Oaks turned 1 on the 10th.
We didn’t really celebrate, just got a cake and sang at home. August is brutal… (Oaks’ birthday, Harbor’s adoption finalization day, Story’s birthday, Harbor’s Heaven Day/Tyler’s birthday which are the same day, and my mother-in-law’s birthday… all back to back in August). Holidays that used to be my favorite are now days I wish I could just skip over because they hurt so badly. It’s hard to celebrate anything during a month filled with so much pain.
Oaks’ birth, while it was the BEST and coolest day of my life (video here), is now laced with the pain of knowing that at that time, we had only days left with Harbor and we didn’t know it. Songs from that time, photos from that time, are all incredibly painful. So it’s just hard to celebrate. It’s hard to get out of bed.
That being said, Oaks is one of the biggest reasons we’ve survived this year. A physical reason we HAD to get up every morning and keep going. He FORCED smiles onto our faces during a time when you wouldn’t think a smile could exist. He has slept on my chest, let me sniff his baby head, and endured every teardrop that fell into his hair. He is a joy bringer. He is our “Mighty Oak of righteousness” that we know was given to us by a merciful, thoughtful, loving Father. And we are so thankful. And we are always, always celebrating him.
^ I posted this picture to instagram and said how hard it is for me to look at pictures of “all of them,” because it will never ever be ALL OF THEM again until Heaven. Any time I am forced to physically SEE the hole in our family, it crushes me into a thousand pieces. A stranger reached out and sent us the most thoughtful drawing (at the bottom of the post).
Oaks REALLY wanted to face plant into his cake, but Fat Kid Problemz. His belly was in the way. Thankfully, daddy helped a brother out.
Thanks for all the love for Okie on his birthday.
Oakland Jude, we love you and are SO freaking thankful for you. Happy birthday, baby.